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Chanel---On JourneyTHE BEST DJ&DANCER January 18 下一站 [Next Stop]过去的一年里,发生了太多的小回忆。在新泽西的这个小房子里是无法装下的。我曾经想过我一定会爱上纽约的。这个是我曾经的dream city。我要好好工作好好烧饭好好洗澡好好阅读,好好想北京好好把所有的事情尽量想的周到。
不知道从什么时候开始,慢慢的感觉到自己,成为一个会心存留恋的人。在飞机上,看到窗外的白云,大朵大朵,厚重起伏。连接成一片白茫茫的海洋。我与它的邂逅,在去年9月秋日的高空。从西到东。天空透蓝明亮。
有时走在上下班的路上,看在日光和夜色下的纽约,不同的色调,不同的质地。年轻的情侣在街角热烈的亲吻。站在办公楼外吸烟的穿着职业的男男女女。酒吧里音乐的嘈杂声和人们大声地谈话。还有自己映在玻璃窗上的影子。
凌晨醒来的时刻,只有自己。耳朵里听到飞机飞过的隆隆声。想起一些人。一些曾经生活的片断。在离开家的这几年里,我曾经质疑过为什么要走这么远,原来不止是梦想这样简单。因为走得越远,越久,才越明白自己究竟想要的是什么,和对自己来说最重要的。
所以对时光,对美,对孤独和痛苦保持敬畏。不管生活是竭力的盛放,还是静默最后颓败,都如此甘愿和珍重。
November 29 海上钢琴师再看< Legend of 1900>。更喜欢它的中文名:《海上钢琴师》。
其实他的内心并不寂寞。Virginia号对他来说,是一座永远承载着只属于他自己的音乐和幻想的海上阁楼,一座可以从有限延伸到无限的内心城堡。
只是在我们的一生中,又能认识多少真正了解自己内心世界并愿意互相交付的人,又能有几次真正听从心里的声音而做出的选择呢。
“All that city. You just couldn't see the end to it. The end? Please? You please just show me where it ends? It was all very fine on that gangway. And I was grand too, in my overcoat. I cut quite a figure. And I was getting off. Guaranteed. There was no problem. It wasn't what I saw that stopped me, Max. It was what I didn't see. You understand that? What I didn't see. In all that sprawling city there was everything except an end. There was no end. What I did not see was where the whole thing came to an end. The end of the world...
Take a piano. The keys begin, the keys end. You know there are eighty-eight of them, nobody can tell you any different. They are not infinite. You are infinite. And on these keys the music that you can make is infinite. I like that. That I can live by. You get me up on that gangway and you're rolling out in front of me a keyboard of millions of keys, millions and billions of keys that never end, and that's the truth, Max. That they never end. That keyboard is infinite. And if that keyboard is infinite, then on that keyboard there is no music you can play. You're sitting on the wrong bench. That’s God's piano. Christ! Did, did you see the streets? Just the streets… There were thousands of them! And how do you do it down there? How do you choose just one? One woman, one house, one piece of land to call your own, one landscape to look at, one way to die... All that world is weighing down on me, you don't even know where it comes to an end, and aren't you ever just scared of breaking apart at the thought of it? The enormity of living it? I was born on this ship, and the world passed me by, but two thousand people at a time. And there were wishes here, but never more than fit between prow and stern. You played out your happiness, but on a piano that was not infinite. I learned to live that way. Land? Land is a ship too big for me. It's a woman too beautiful; it's a voyage too long, a perfume too strong. It's a music I don't know how to make. I could never get off this ship. At best, I can step off my life. After all, I don’t exist for anyone. You’re an exception, Max, you're the only one who knows I'm here. You’re a minority, and you better get used to it. Forgive me, my friend, but I'm not getting off.” 所有那些城市,你就是无法看见尽头。尽头?拜托!拜托你给我看它的尽头在哪?当时,站在舷梯向外看还好。我那时穿着大衣,感觉也很棒,觉得自己前途无量,然后我就要下船去。放心!完全没问题!可是,阻止了我的脚步的,并不是我所看见的东西,而是我所无法看见的那些东西。你明白么?我看不见的那些。在那个无限蔓延的城市里,什么东西都有,可惟独没有尽头。根本就没有尽头。我看不见的是这一切的尽头,世界的尽头。 拿一部钢琴来说,从琴键开始,又结束。你知道钢琴只有88个键,没人能告诉你有什么不同。它们不是无限的。你才是无限的,在琴键上制作出的音乐是无限的。我喜欢这样,我活的惯。 你把我推到舷梯上然后扔给我一架有百万琴键的钢琴,百万千万的没有尽头的琴键,那是事实,Max,它们没有尽头。那键盘是无限延伸的。然而如果琴键是无限的,那么在那架琴上就没有你能弹奏的音乐,你坐错了地方,那是上帝的钢琴。 天啊!你……你看过那些街道吗?仅仅是街道,就有上千条!你下去该怎么办?你怎么选择其中一条来走?怎么选择“属于你自己的”一个女人,一栋房子,一块地,或者选择一道风景欣赏,选择一种方法死去。 那个世界好重,压在我身上。你甚至不知道它在哪里结束,你难道从来不为自己生活在无穷选择里而害怕得快崩溃掉吗? 我是在这艘船上出生的,整个世界跟我并肩而行,但是,行走一次只携带两千人。这里也有欲望,但不会虚妄到超出船头和船尾。你用钢琴表达你的快乐,但音符不是无限的。我已经习惯这么生活。 陆地?陆地对我来说是一艘太大的船,一个太漂亮的女人,一段太长的旅行,一瓶太刺鼻的香水,一种我不会创作的音乐。我永远无法放弃这艘船,不过幸好,我可以放弃我的生命。反正没人记得我存在过,而你是例外,Max,你是唯一一个知道我在这里的人。你是唯一一个,而且你最好习惯如此。原谅我,朋友,我不会下船的。
November 23 生命是一场旅行一直无休止的工作和加班。
穿行在纽约的大街小巷,忽然觉得一切都很遥远。
有时候觉得生命是一场毫无保障的旅行。
在旅行中,我们会结识很多人。
他们中有些成为了知己,于是结为旅行的同伴。
有些来过,又走了,散了,却留下永远的痕迹。
August 31 醒来漫长的夏日终于结束。气温开始降低。
开始在周末长时间的沉睡。下午起来后光脚踩过地板,拉起百叶窗。街道上一片沉寂。空无一人。
离开家在外的日子里,长久独自一人,心里一直希望的,居然是醒来的时候能够听到有亲人发出的声音而产生的幸福感。然而。
然而因倔强的个性不愿承认孤独的代价,所以用碟片,音乐,酒精来对抗。只有。
只有再一次背转身去,面对一个人内心的大海。
我们的过去注定不会彼此交会,是沉落于海底的大船。
而将来是彼此计算着时间,守着一颗定时炸弹。所以。
所以,只能够坚守现在。
July 09 Total Eclipse of The HeartTotal Eclipse of The Heart
by Bonnie Tyler
(Turnaround) Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming around (Turnaround) Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears (Turnaround) Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by (Turnaround) Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes (Turnaround bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart (Turnaround bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart (Turnaround) Every now and then I get a little bit restless and i dream of something wild (Turnaround) Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and im lying like a child in your arms (Turnaround) Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I have to get out and cry (turnaround) Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes (Turn around bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart (Turn around bright eyes) Every now and then I fall apart And I need you now tonight And I need you more than ever And if you'll only hold me tight We'll be holding on forever And we'll only be making it right Cause we'll never be wrong together We can take it to the end of the line Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks I really need you tonight Forever's gonna start tonight Forever's gonna start tonight Once upon a time I was falling in love But now I'm only falling apart There's nothing I can do A total eclipse of the heart Once upon a time there was light in my life But now there's only love in the dark Nothing I can say A total eclipse of the heart |
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